I cried in SOT today. The first day in bible school. Standing and lifting my hands to worship in the auditorium seemed unbelievable for a moment. As i recalled the many pits i went through last year, i am totally grateful to be back on my feet again. I just feel ALIVE. For the last one year, I had been tremendously disappointed with a lot of things, with people and myself in total. I lost my vision, lost hope and lost almost my faith. I remembered weeping on my bed, sms-ing Meiyan how much i felt like giving up totally. Like a wounded soldier, i suffered the shame of lost battles. Defeated, ridiculed, humiliated. I was tormented physically, drained emotionally and weakened spiritually. I felt abandoned. Down in the valley, i screamed and yelled in agony. I groaned and i pleaded. Hope diminished and darkness took over. In despair, i threw in the white flag, "nothing will work" i thought to myself....the vision seemingly became a delusion and i lost sight of the peak as promised by Him. An indefinite wait; a slow death in fulfilment. i looked towards death and i badly wanted to give up myself in totality...just to get over and done with. For the wait was simply tormenting. The past memories sting like poison, each recollection intensified the pain...A voice encouraged me to attempt spiritual suicide, for it would just be the quickest way to relieve myself from all. Once and all. He truly comes to STEAL, to KILL, to DESTROY. Destruction is ultimately his aim for all men and more so, his prioritised targets are those who are to do mighty exploits for Him. I fell for his traps and i almost gave up my calling. I knew in my head that you had never left me alone in the valley but it was not registered in my heart. My heart was hardening. Yet, Your spirit hovered. As you stirred, I felt it. I did not respond immediately. Then the stirrings became frequent and it came in greater magnitude than the previous. Each stir lit up a new area of the vast darkness. Till the path became bright enough, till it became so bright...i awoke. I am truly AWAKE. ALIVE now. Back on my feet. Finally.